I feel a ramble coming along. I just have an urge to write/type but when I get to the platform to do such a thing I suddenly don’t know what to write. So I think I am going to just go for it and hope for the best. Today is July 1st. The beginning of a new month and month that tells you that summer is really here. With new seasons and new months its a great time to set new goals and and reflect on what we learned or didn’t learn the month before. I am finding myself horrible at this. I am feeling stuck and uninterested in most things around me. I want to be a healthier me, I know what I need to do and how to do it but why haven’t I just done it. I can pass the blame but when it comes down to it we are all responsible for the things we can control. Yet I put a bet on my weight and the time to lose what I need to lose is fast approaching and I am no where near where I would like to be. At times I wonder if it would be easier if it was just me and not my partner. I love him please don’t get me wrong but I sometimes feel I was a better version of myself when it was only myself to worry about. When asked what I want I usually try to think what that person would like to do best and that’s my decision. I need to become me again. I need to take my own advice and start taking care of me. Instead of asking if he would like to come along just say I am going to go do this if you don’t want to come along that’s fine but I’m doing it. A lot of the times that I have done that I’ve secretly wanted him to stay home at times. I feel like when I do something like that it adds extra pressure to make it be fun and adventurous where when I am by myself no one knows if I get lost or if I don’t hike the full 5 miles. If i’m truly comfortable with someone none of that should matter but the sad part is I have never felt that way with anyone. I am not sure if i have ever truly 100% let every single guard down or truly felt like I didn’t have to prove something to someone. I’m figuring out that the internet might not be the best place to dish this all out but its what I have and its making me feel better so what the hell. If anything else there is something truly satisfying hearing the keys on the keyboard, I have always loved that sound.

Next topic Lets go with more shit that I have been thinking about.

SO I am a roamer I like to roam I have been in Connecticut for a little over a year and its the longest I have been in one spot in quit awhile I actually want to say since living in North Dakota. Anyway that’s neither here or there. Point that I am trying to ramble to is that our lease is up next May and I do believe it will be time to move on. We are here because it is close to Boston the ocean and New York well…. We soon discovered that for two people to take a train to New York that its around $150-200 depending on peak hours well that’s a bit much. I get it i get it New York is expensive but I think it could be less expensive closer. So I thought Philly closer to New York your in Philly so you can check that place out and your also not super far away from Baltimore and Washington D.C. Alright cool a little game plan find a cheapish place in around Philly save some money buy an RV. Well my most recent thoughts to enter my jumble of a mind is that I really want to see other countries and areas of the world. It just so happens that Boston is the cheapest place to fly out of at least that’s what I found on a couple flights and we are pretty close to Boston now. Do I want to continue on or stay. Something I thought I would never really say. That was not on purpose. Hmmm. I also wonder about my partner in bigger cities and traveling. He’s along for the ride but doesn’t like to do much if any of the planning or legalistic. I like to plan by hear too but sometimes you need at least an outline of a game plan yeah? I am starting to wonder if I am just way to high strung on the inside. Everyone always tells me how chill I am and how go with the flow but on the inside i’m going a mile a minute. I do believe I need to get back into meditation and yoga and take some time each day to reflect on myself and just be.

So beginning of the month I think I am going to take this moment to end this Ramble with three goals I would like to work on this month. There’s no going back from the internet.

1. Self care
   whether it be yoga meditation exercise whatever feel the most like self care that day.
2. Compassion
   compassion for myself and others, we never know what others are going through and its not always our business I will try to remember that everyone is doing the best they can where they are that day. Even the difficult ones.
3. Assertiveness
   I am now in a position of a little power at a job. I need to be more direct and have more authority. Feel what I say is right and if I see something say something. I am a bad-ass bitch who can do anything she wants to.

Thank you for coming along on this ramble.